I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
