Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
