She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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