Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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