I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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