Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
