Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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