I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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