i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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