it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
