She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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