You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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