I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
