I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
