guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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