The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
