Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
