One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
