I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
