yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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