thus making me awesome and them whores
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
