remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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