i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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