member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
