I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Still dying that you shit outside
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
