That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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