I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so let's talk penis.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
