She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
