ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
