So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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