It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
