I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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