So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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