6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
