I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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