i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
