She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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