Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
