What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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