hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
