I just threw up on my dentist
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
