She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
