At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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