did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
