Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
