the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
