Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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