He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
