Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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