I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
